More of that "Something Special"

I have had an excellent (yester)day (as detailed in my MySpace/Facebook blogs) and these wonderful (re)discoveries added to that joy:

1. I DO want more than mediocrity. Sarah, hello dear love, has been encouraging me to seek more, to want greater, to seek for more than I am settling for in my relationships, my life, my character, and, finally, it is taking root. I want to surround myself with people who, like Sarah, want more for themselves, and for me. Hence the "Done with "friends" who aren't really" blog. This week, I have not only removed the hindrances to my growth, but I have recognized more of those people in my life who allow me, help me to grow. People who, to some degree, encourage me to be more, better, stronger, more Godly. Thank you, Friends.

2. I am not afraid of getting sick of sushi (it is just too darn good), I am not (that) afraid of the culture shock, I am definitely not afraid of karaoke, but I am afraid of an experience like this (from The Water is Wide by Pat Conroy):
"Even though I was on Yamacraw, I was not of Yamacraw. My first overtures of frienships with the people on the island, although not rebuffed, failed to win me any friends wth whom I felt completely comfortable.... The loneliness was beginning to shred my nerves.... By placing myself on Yamacraw , I was denying my natural gregariousness and my compulsive need for good friends" (102-103).
Conroy describes his experience teaching on a remote, isolated, culturally-distinct island off the coast of S. Carolina. Not exactly suburban Japan. But he said it exactly.
I don't want to be alone. I don't mean romantically (that is a whole other beast) but relationally, in any way. I cherish relationships; I thrive on interaction; I, naturally, need people. Sure, I will make friends, eventually, but I can't help but recognize the immense cultural and ideological barriers which stand in the way of that real relationship I crave. Even if the Japanese people like me, they aren't likely to accept me. Even if I am placed with other Westerners, they aren't likely to be Christians....likely. There is a chance I could be completely wrong, but that hardly matters. Isn't that the way of fear? It breeds on probability.
And past experience.

3. I need Jesus. Yep, knew that. But I (re)realized it. This fresh realization may even require a presence in chapel... we shall see. ;)

4. I also need to go to bed before 2 a.m. if any of the above is going to make any kind of difference. :P Sleep, then life-changes. That is my new motto.


So, to you all, a happy, fresh, lovely, joyful, good night,