Hello, Palestine.

I am so about my new pen pal! For one of my TESL classes, Professor Kobashigawa is working with her friend, Debbie, in Palestine to pair us up with Palestianian students to email. My pen pal is named Maysoon and I am going to send her an email tonight! I cannot wait to hear about her life and share my life with her, but I am also nervous. I started to read Debbie's blog and am already recognizing how terribly sheltered my life is, how thoroughly my worldview will be challenged, and how much my heart will break for this woman, for those people.

More in that familiar theme I have been blogging about. God is really working to break down my cultural barriers, eh? I know he is preparing me for something huge after graduation, I hope I can keep up!

blahdey blah-blah

I already journaled most of my TESL stuff for this week so I am going to blog about... something! Yay!

he he.

It is snowing. Did you know that? I did. Because if it sticks at all, it may ruin my plans tonight. But, so far, the roads look pretty good. I.must.dance! I didn't go last night, because I took a nap and lost all motivation.

I need to study. The problem with a light course load is that there is no fear. The looming panic of last semester forced productivity but now it is like, "who cares? I have like 2* classes." *exaggeration

(subject change) I am so thankful for the honor of worshiping at University Presbyterian Church. I have finally gotten into a little routine there and feel quite at ease. I am learning more and more names, and every new person I encounter is wonderfully friendly. My heart is happy. I just wish Beth were there. So does someone else (who won't shut up about it. ;P)

Today, my routine progressed as usual: wake up before the sun, carpool to Seattle, prepare bagel/cream cheese, warm up, sing 1st service, Starbucks, sing 2nd service... but here the routine ended. You see, usually, I sit through the 2nd service to hear the sermon, but today, the four cups of coffee made a rapid exit quite necessary. So, instead of sitting with my fellow choir members, I ended up in the foyer with the stragglers catching the sermon over the speakers. This situation worked for and against me. I enjoyed my seat, grabbed a(nother) cup of coffee, and relaxed away from public view, but then I noticed the children. Everywhere around me were the cutest kids of varying ages and, predictably, I couldn't keep my eyes off of them. *sigh* You see, for years now I have had a biological, chemical, uncontrollable response to little ones. Friends have referred to it as "quivering ovaries" (sorry, awkward) but I think it is just pre-maternal instinct. :P

So, I caught snipets of the sermon and appreciated the great word brought by the lovely (female-yay!) associate pastor, but mostly my eyes welled up with pure longing. Pretty silly, pretty pathetic, but this is my outlet for honesty so I am just gonna be straight with ya: I wanna be a mommy.

*ahem* changing the subject... I am supposed to be studying right now, but you already know why I am not. I better get motivated or I am going to be in big trouble this semester! my final one! woootz

p.s. I may miss graduating with honors by .004 points on my GPA. I hate French.

I love tracking themes throughout my classes, conversations, life. It really seems as though we operate within some form of collective unconscious, or perhaps it is just my single conscious that pinpoints these themes and stores them up for contemplation.

This week, the week of M.L.K. and Yes We Can, I contemplate what Julia calls "worldview collisions." I have collided worldviews quite often in my short 21 years. From elementary with mostly Mexican immigrants, to wrestling calves with wranglered cowboys, to getting the smack down on the reservation, to barely-tolerant Idahoan small towners, to excessively cool and refreshingly diverse Seattle, my little worldview is barely able to repair itself before crashing with another. Now, I am preparing for the biggest collision of all, and I can't wait! For, indeed, how CAN we grow outside of these collisions? If I sit here on the cozy lil NU campus forever, my subconscious stereotypes and prejudices are likely to never be erradicated.

All these thoughts swirling. Still not making much sense... but it is nice to get them out somehow.

In other random news, I am in the process of selling one of my photos! A total stranger on facebook sought me out because he saw that photo on a mutual friend's page and wants to buy it! I am still trying to figure out how much to charge, etc., but I am thrilled and incredibly proud. I posted a few extra pictures on my flickr page if anybody wants to see them.

If any of you want to buy prints from me, just let me know. ;) I will make you a sweet deal.

Alright, off to the homework world now, I suppose. I need to read the right book for class so I can wirte a paper on it this weekend.

Tomorrow, I dance. :D

My Vanity

In my Teaching Reading for ESL class today, I learned that I read the majority of the wrong (dull, dry, boring) book. LAME. The actual required text is pretty interesting and engaging. Now I have to read it and write a paper on the right text by next week. *sigh*
Silly me.

Ehhh, I am so over-committed. I already dropped a frivolous class and quit the play (:( ) but I still don't feel like I can get it all done in the next three months. Arg! I want to dance tomorrow... but I have to design my photo journal, finish all the photo editing, make some money, and do homework. Sad. I guess I will have to wait until Thursday. ;)

I need to blog more often for my Writing class so here are the rest of this week's questions:

What methods have worked for me?
My writing always improves when I read good literature. This directly relates to what we discussed in Teaching Reading class today, but it really is applicable. For instance, when I started reading excellent blogs, like Debbie's, Michelle's, etc, my own blogging improved.

I also benefit from freestyle writing exercise, or stream-of-consciousness writing. It forces my thoughts out onto paper so I don't get hung up on the little details. Then I am free to return to editing later. This may not always be effective with ESL students, but it could force them to move away from their dictionaries and experiment with the English language.


What are my likes and dislikes about writing?
I love to tell stories. Memoir is probably my favorite creative writing genre. I suppose I am pretty vain to assume that people want to hear about my life, but I just love to tell about it. I tend to be a bit facetious, so my memoirs may be a tad more fictional than literal, but I try to stay true to the spirit of the events. ;)

As per academic writing, I guess what I really enjoy is the formulas. Often times I see academic assignments more as a math assignment than a creative expression. I get a thrill out of breaking apart a problem or assignment and attacking and solving it. I am not sure I am attacking this particular question very well, though.


Well, friends, I hope you don't mind my using this blog as the outlet for my TESL blogs, but at least this will guarantee that I will actually post once in awhile, and I will try to include something profound or clever once in awhile. Not that I should assume you want to hear what I have to say.. ah, there goes that vanity again.
Happy Inaguration Day! (I cried when he walked down the street... oh, if only I could blog about THAT.)

Writing and Me

Hello lovely friends,
Today is just what I needed. After work, Beth and I made breakfast (so good) and then snuggled up to watch YouTube videos. So much fun!
Other than that.. I have done next to nothing. ;) Sarah and her friend Danielle stopped by for a bit, I checked Facebook about nine hundred times, and I am currently watching "The Sister Act."
I have felt so alive the last couple of days. Dancing every night, making great friends, getting out and having adventures, enjoying my classes, excelling at work, ignoring the newspaper... but now it is time for reality. The reality is: I need to somehow take a bunch of photos by Monday. eck. It is also time for serious homeworking.

One aspect of that homeworking will take place here: in my blog. For "Teaching Writing for ESL" we are to keep a journal so I am going to post it here. Feel free to read or not. I will be writing about other, life stuff, too. :)

What are my strengths in writing?
I consider my academic writing style to be concise and clear. Whenever possible I prefer to write the minimum requirement and express my point without superfluous information.
Through blogging I have developed the skill of storytelling. Friends have commented on the conversation tone of my blogs and my ability to express my joy for life. I trust my friends' opinions.

What are my weaknesses in writing?
While I consider brevity a strength, it may also serve as a weakness. Often, writing tasks require elaboration which I often don't provide.

Wow, that was dry. :) But at least it answers the questions.

How will I improve my writing skills?
I want to get better by reading more excellent literature--learning from the pros--and writing more often. Oh, and paying attention to what and how I write (Except for within this blog. :P)

More of that "Something Special"

I have had an excellent (yester)day (as detailed in my MySpace/Facebook blogs) and these wonderful (re)discoveries added to that joy:

1. I DO want more than mediocrity. Sarah, hello dear love, has been encouraging me to seek more, to want greater, to seek for more than I am settling for in my relationships, my life, my character, and, finally, it is taking root. I want to surround myself with people who, like Sarah, want more for themselves, and for me. Hence the "Done with "friends" who aren't really" blog. This week, I have not only removed the hindrances to my growth, but I have recognized more of those people in my life who allow me, help me to grow. People who, to some degree, encourage me to be more, better, stronger, more Godly. Thank you, Friends.

2. I am not afraid of getting sick of sushi (it is just too darn good), I am not (that) afraid of the culture shock, I am definitely not afraid of karaoke, but I am afraid of an experience like this (from The Water is Wide by Pat Conroy):
"Even though I was on Yamacraw, I was not of Yamacraw. My first overtures of frienships with the people on the island, although not rebuffed, failed to win me any friends wth whom I felt completely comfortable.... The loneliness was beginning to shred my nerves.... By placing myself on Yamacraw , I was denying my natural gregariousness and my compulsive need for good friends" (102-103).
Conroy describes his experience teaching on a remote, isolated, culturally-distinct island off the coast of S. Carolina. Not exactly suburban Japan. But he said it exactly.
I don't want to be alone. I don't mean romantically (that is a whole other beast) but relationally, in any way. I cherish relationships; I thrive on interaction; I, naturally, need people. Sure, I will make friends, eventually, but I can't help but recognize the immense cultural and ideological barriers which stand in the way of that real relationship I crave. Even if the Japanese people like me, they aren't likely to accept me. Even if I am placed with other Westerners, they aren't likely to be Christians....likely. There is a chance I could be completely wrong, but that hardly matters. Isn't that the way of fear? It breeds on probability.
And past experience.

3. I need Jesus. Yep, knew that. But I (re)realized it. This fresh realization may even require a presence in chapel... we shall see. ;)

4. I also need to go to bed before 2 a.m. if any of the above is going to make any kind of difference. :P Sleep, then life-changes. That is my new motto.


So, to you all, a happy, fresh, lovely, joyful, good night,

The Inner Ring of Swing

In the swing world there are levels--a hierarchy of sorts. In the first couple of months, I progressed rapidly through the ranks. It seemed I had a knack for this dance thing and each time I went back I had improved dramatically. Then, I hit the platau of death. I don't feel much improved since... Oh, August. It can be quite discouraging.
To make matter worse, I feel like I have been on the fringe of the inner circle for months. I've been dancing around the edges, peering in at the glamor and skill of the Anointed Ones, ocassionally glimpsing their world through a stolen dance, and unexpected hello.

Tonight, one of Them, a Swing Diva if you will, invited me to her birthday party. Oh, I am sooo in. I feel like the nerd who just got invited to the homecoming party by the head cheerleader. heh.

The coolest part is that we are going to "Lindy Bomb" Seattle. In other words, we are going to dance out in the rain, on the streets, in a busy area... to, of course, overwhelming applause. People of Seattle, prepare to be wowed!

*eee* I am absurdly excited!! I hope I am as "on" as I was tonight. Nothing could stop me! :) Nothing WILL stop me.
*maniacial laugh*
:)

I am soooo done. Done with "friends" who aren't really.
Done with lying to myself.
Done with false fulfillment.
Done. done. DONE.

Goodbye, lies.

I can't blog.
SO many words. All of them with stage fright.

Just know that I was low, but He has raised me up.

Time to be transformed.

p.s. I am pretty sure that French class screwed up my chances to wear a pretty rope at graduation. Damn.